a face faked
a shadow long
the dawn and then
a win

life laughing in my movements

what if I
die now
do I lose?

What is that I don't want?
Sleep?
Or
May be to stay awake.


SLEEP, she whispers


I reply her
- I cannot help you.

Journeys

Journeys begin and
they end and
where they end
the 'I' starts it's movement;
memories
walk, keep on walking,
never to arrive,
they
just keep walking with
the I.

A Universe.

There seems to be an entire universe inside my mind, why only the mind, it seems in every cell of my body.
I want to see meaning in what I do in my daily life, but it seems that this universe in my mind is not interested in that, rather it keeps defining what's meaningful and what's not. Sometimes it feels that this universe existing in my mind is the only universe, a universe that is in a movement without a direction.
Now the awareness turns towards nature and it's creation - that is this living organism in the form of human species, this awareness points to me about this extraordinary power to create and then that this power is in us too, which is quite different from that universe functioning in my mind.
Why do I keep listening to that which is there in my mind, why am I indulging in that, how could that universe be any different. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

had "it" known.......

You cry
and you ask then
(always) why,
you hold the ignorance
just that bit,
up to the point
it confirms or destroys.

So the images in mind
weaves a story,
a story called
my life
asking for peace
for harmony.

The sun asked
for a blanket
it was growing cold
so it thought so
and cried.

had "it" known

Existence exists and is
free from all realities
of mind-soul-visions
this sun would
never ever
want to
work in a mirage.

The Heart Song.

The heart that is weary
now holds a head that
has not bowed before.

Who saw the prisoned heart -
the bars of the prison
or the head.

The breeze is ever so slow
welcoming the rays
on which nightingales sway.

The existence and it's earth
can sing the song now
that the heart desires so.

The bird that is my
heart
never will ever care
if its autumn or
the end of spring.

Movement.

The walk is naturally drawn,
the movement,
to walk no guide is ever
required,
as light was never outside of us.

The body keeps moving
picking up energy as
it moves,
conquering coldness
as it moves,
nothing happens to moon from
it's appearance to
disappearance,
and so nothing happens to me
from my appearance to disappearance.

In Endless Supply

The spring sent forth
clear and transparent water
just like that.

When eyes are closed
the awareness lingers
in to imaginations
clear and transparent
just like that.

The water in spring
is in endless supply,
so is the awareness
that seems like is in
endless supply
just like that.

Can you bring it in
or by any means ----
NO,
nor mind can bring it forth;
when I read what I write
mind is not needed to
hold any attention
what exists is total
attention
in endless supply
just like that.

Memory.

Something is always known as some memory in frames is always preserved.

The memory looks upon the skill,
it nourishes the nature of man,
it wants everything complete and
aims at nothing less.

The values comes through it,
like valleys between high
mountains, memory helps
attaining closeness to will.

Memory is a process,
always rising,
seeking, a point where
ice melts to water,
that one single point.

The Idea of me.

From an idea lights up an idea. The idea of something being beautiful and then calling it beautiful there comes in an idea of what is ugliness. The idea of deep sleep's existence and calling it deep sleep gives birth to an idea of awareness.
If the mind is silent and something happens outside the idea of mind was silent lights up.

So if nobody asks a question and not even my mind, then.
It would be me but the me before god, because if it was me after the idea of god then I would have been an idea of me.

BLACK

Its dark and black and
you know,
you know somehow that
it is already day and
then in that black
magic happens
when I touch
to write to
myself;
yeah!
you touch the paper
you are just about to flow
the
sun breaks
through,
piercing that darkness
that blackness
with a
a million rays
a million magic.

The twin heads looked
at the long night ahead of them,
the five eyes tired now
of the journey so far,
the torso twisted of thirst
searched for it's earth to sleep.

Let the five eyes teach the
twin heads now;
free from all sides,
they can help move the earth
and sky,
and they know how the birds
move without putting their
feet on ground.

Tomorrow

A pair of good shoes
Closer than you could imagine
The yesterday that
You stood still and
Cried and cried.

I was worried about you today
Thinking about the tomorrow
Which has to be seen
Learning is a marvellous thing
So unique and so different from tomorrow.

So radiant so energetic
Would you care
to
DANCE
It would be the ride home
For my good pair of shoes.

The Free Will

In the double slit experiment the detector placed on the double slit or after the slit i.e. the screen both of them collapse the so called superposition of the particle.
That is if the screen is not there, there is no way you can say how the particle behaved.
Hence time has to come first to register consciousness, if time is not there consciousness is questionable and even the so called superposition.

The detector or the measurement device helps get an absolute result and the same over and over again.
The detector or measurement device is no different from the so called observer trying to understand things happening around the observer in it's universe,
it has to dawn on the observer at some point that there will be never be any new experience at all ever as also seen in the double slit experiment.
The interference pattern is observed when the measurement device is removed in the double slit experiment.
In this case no one actually knows and you cannot bring it to the experiencing nature of what is happening there when the observer is not there.
Hence on fundamental levels till there is measurement device the free will goes out of the window.

The Eyes.

The eyes looked for
a hope and
why could they
see only the
memories
you could call these
memories
your thoughts or
your soul or
your psyche or
give any
other fancy name or
a more fashionable label of
neurons.

The vision defective
lost in the
emotional himalayas
struggling to find a hope
a breath
a something its own
not relative
but absolute.

The eyes searching for
eyes.

The Zeal

The stream collected
all the droplets
it's zeal unmatched
rejoiced in the sound
of flow.

Nothing mattered
not even freedom or
reflection
the zeal was
it's only weapon
and
flowed like fire.

The zeal guarded
the mind
it held the stream tight
and strong
it knew the freedom of
sky
and the stream rejoiced
to flow in
what was it's
only path.

Dreams and the voices in those dreams.

The dream opened up
in my voice
waking me up
in ten directions
no choice there
no more asking
thinking about where
to go
a question
that will never
be asked anymore.

The sport to be
played
the cry
the laugh
knowing the reason
of their existence
I had no choice;
was awake
the voice no longer in my dream
knew it's origin
in the eyes
that remained semi drunk state
no choice there
a story untold yet
no more asking
thinking about where
to go
a question
that will never
be asked anymore.

The Imagination

Never ever did an entity
that couldn't be divided
exist,
a thought and it's
existence
or it's illusion
of existence
which
was the only belief
and dis-belief
that I indulged.

Water in milk
can never be seen,
desires arising in mind
can never cease,
the measurement
always look young
and fresh,
that
that you see
in a dream
comes true
when you wake up
if it was not
in the imagination
the fear of death
would not have
manifested.

a simple question..........

When I walked away
away from my space
I walked away from my form
and what I called I.

An individual
only ends up
calling himself an
individual
not being one
starts repeating phrases
creating only suffocation
and then
he wants to be free from
that frustration
frustration of
how to be an individual.

Can the thoughts
and the thinker
look
look at an individual
or only end up repeating
some wise phrases
of some wise men
ONLY.

The sight dissolves in
a sun flare
if the eyes dare.

The wet fuel.

The child was sad
and wet;
and looked up to his
horizon,
which was as wet as him.

The fuel if wet
would never ignite
whatever and however
the source of fire
would be;
it could be of no help.

The Cloud.

I thought I was big
and dark
and too heavy
and
I could hide the sun
your sun from you for eternity;
the sky would hold me still and
I would cease to move.

Thought I
that I could
hide your sun
make it dead
dead forever
never to be reborn,
they called me the
the dark cloud
which the sky
would hold on.

How silly
and how crazy was I
as I expanded to block
you further from
your sun;
it was my universe
that collapsed.

I am now the million
dots carrying the sun for you
and quenching you
of your thirst,
I leave behind a rainbow
up in the sky
and I hope
you can have that too.

I now hope
you know it too
and you learned it as well
that it was
always my universe
that veiled my
supreme.

A Continuous Mind

A continuous mind
in a CONTINUOUS universe
attached to limitation
of visions;
forming illusions
of unattached reality;
never abandoning the point
and the measurement from that
point,
to an attached point.

Let the wandering mind move
before and behind;
like water rides the air
allow it to ride
it's universe,
nothing stands still
not even the mind
my continuous mind
in a CONTINUOUS universe.

Being Crazy.......

I call you an idiot
and can call you only
after being one
myself completely and whole.

I see you loved
to have some honey
what about the sting
and how you thought
you could have some
without having to pay it's price.

Being crazy is the only
option available
the only price to be paid
to land oneself in
profound intelligence.

The Stranger

The stranger knew that his appearance came from his art that he skilled in. He did not know why his eyes went vivid in one moment, pale the next. Sad and joyous he could manage to understand. Strange was he to himself and would remain always a stranger to his life and the life around.
And now,
when he looks at a tree and then at himself, he sees no difference between a man and a tree, both life, only that his roots being the art he excelled or managed in, and that decides his trunk branches leaves.
The trunk of the tree seems like his intellect, the more developed and healthy, the more the leaves and fruits.



''The dreams that flowed
in the shades of life
who else
it was only the
mother that cried.""

My own Dew

Drunk I was
today while the sun
turned gold
the smile knew
the fragrance knew
I drank my own dew

The steps were swift
the jump the highest
a magical moment that the
eyes knew
the smile knew
the dream new

Drift my heart
here in my skies
here in my songs
the mad man knew
the birds knew
my heart new.

hmmmmmmmmm

yeh awaaz kehti hi
hmmmmmm
aaj khamoshi mein
aaj yuun hi buss
kuch judne ko hai
kuch toot ne ko hai
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

yuunhi buss tumhe
aaj kuch ishara do
wish I could hold you
wish I could touch you
yaara tumhe aaj
hmmmmmmmmm

khamoshi ka hua
asar hai
hmmmmmmmmm
buss yunhi
aaj teri bahoein
mein hmmmmmmmmmmmm



yeh awaaz kehti hi
hmmmmmm
aaj khamoshi mein
aaj yuun hi buss
kuch judne ko hai
kuch toot ne ko hai
hmmmmmmmmmmmm


sunno na yeh
awaaz puche
yeh manzil tere
pyar ki
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
aaj yuun hi buss
aaj kuch ishara do
wish I could hold you
wish I could touch you
yaara tumhe aaj

humsafar tum nahi
abh mere
mere yaara
meri adat ho
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

yuunhi buss tumhe
hold you
touch you
yaara tumhe aaj
hmmmmmmmmm

The Happening

Continual mutation
a sort of happening
where all that happens
becomes excellent
when the whole universe responds
to that happening.

The I affected
cannot be avoided
goes through the cycle
of
repent torment and reassure;
now only looks at
the sun
captivated by it's light,
by that happening.

The captivity
mutating to a great
liberty
where even anger is justified
and so are aspirations
of the I burning
shinning
illumined and inflamed.

The thought is no match
to this happening
and neither can intellect
unveil;
the mind aspires
and the eyes remain awake
unaware of tears
that fill it
at all times.

The Song

The song knew
from where life came
and where it would go;
it functions on
absolute principles
and would never care
or could care
if I knew this
or knew HOW.

I laugh and shout
CHANCE
then cry and lament
PREDESTINED
and then go silent
understanding that
in infinite
I want to know
its beginning.

The day and night,
the seasons and
the oceans
own a verse in the song
so do I and
what happens to me
in that song.

The Dream

It was always the dream;
dream that is reality
now in action
whatever I find myself in
pain or otherwise.

While in dream
never did I knew that
I was dreaming,
now I see it in action
and yet I seem to be asleep
as I'm
finding searching causes
for the reality
that I find myself in.

The mind and what happens
to it in dreams
as it sets in motion
what the eyes sees
and the senses experience
in time to come.

The laws are same
of all the things;
you would know
how the mind dreams
if you need a change
of your tools
once a month
or
once a year
or
once a life time.

Circle

Slow;
ever so slow
the icy hands of mind
made the eyes
see and listen.

Circle
and the movement in that
circle
is the movement seen
and listened.

Sleepwalking
is what
the soul did all
it's lifetime
and thought
it evolved from point A to B.

A Clueless Mischief

The time being limitless
in past
and so are dimensions and forms limitless
in past
and hence
where could any man
wise or otherwise be
born from

My past gave birth to me
and I hoped that it would die
nothing happened
never could object
and
subject be without a co-relate

Intuitions and insights
are the breath of the past
what is it that they do
or they can do
if emotions aren't fully developed

The past could never be straight
always made me feel like a soul
with a lot of emotions
making the question of
existence
a clueless mischief

Lost in some broken glasses.

Shattered glasses in god's windows
strange frames hanging loose
denying the difference between
the ultimate reality and reality.

The seed in that one cell of self
from which it wants to free itself
looking up for some space
for some air.

Open and read my closed eyes
talk to me about how cold
water touching my skin feels like a flame.

Come paint a life
come fly off a cliff
figments of my imaginations
stopping sometimes to find
a heart
in the shattered glasses
in god's window.

VOID

I searched for a void
looking for a place
where no being is in sight
this has now went on for so
many years

and it never struck me
how
can a void even
exist
how can it?
for the
I
would always be present
in me
who
would be searching for the
void

A Long Day Dream

Night after night
the eyes wait for
the morning to light

OR

May be in vain
I cleave on to pain

May be a
long daydream

May be
the eyes
that see the night
AND
wait for the morning to light

I need
a long caress
a cold shower
to shake away
the darkness from
my eyes

Darkness too
has roots and branches
the eyes love to nest
in them

Night after night
the eyes wait for
the morning to light

I swear by what my I swears

Till you be among them
The fire will keep burning
He told me
to not to go after them.

The man was visibly tired
as he kept explaining me this about them;
he only looked alive
but he spoke like dead.

I asked him:
did you fear
to betray them
or
you?

He cried:
do not do this to men
and
why ask questions of fair play
they would always outnumber
a single you.

He calmed himself down and said:
make peace with the earth and sky
and
think of it as some kind of
arrangement for you
to live and make
it a fair judgement.

I WALKED.

I swear by what my I swears
I will always be my own traveller
and
my own road.

The resting.

have I come to rest
have I seen the resting
no
no, sorry - no

rest may not exist
I move to find evidence

they told me
about rest
and
how to come to rest

how could they have seen rest
or have been at rest
if they tried to teach me
how to rest

for reason
and for knowledge they told me
that there is a state of resting
that I can be whole
and move in eight paths
if I come to resting

have I seen the resting
no
no, sorry - no

A walk a song.

Something that can never be denied
Nor clever or wise words call it foolish
The rejoicing or whatever I may call
Is always felt in the heart.

The walk with me always told me
That no third was ever required
I whispered to me
Tell me my secrets
Sing me my high roads and lights

Trial and Error

Awareness of existence
of the habits
of that I do
and
that I don't
and further
trial and error
helps me build my self
or the mind.

Mind excels
when wit and virtue
develop
and then
the tranquility flows
through all that
I do
and that
I don't.

ALL BECAUSE OF YOU

and when you know

that the number came in existence
because of you

that word came in existence
because of you

and the shadow
and the space that holds
that shadow
all because of you

and the sight
and all about thoughts
even if you miss them
they are
all because of you

craving for existence
is not possible
and yet you make it your goal
an error you make
and an error that brings pain
all because of you

and when you know

The IFS and BUTS.

IFS & BUTS are the lethal weapons to initiate miseries in life. Choose them & you lose then & there.
The truth blasts & destroys all IFS & BUTS, somehow we know this & we use logic to prevent this happening.
Memory plays a major part in strengthening these IFS & BUTS and takes us away far far away from what is.
It’s maddening.
The past then becomes the only place where we feel secured and safe and we use rationality and logic to protect and build that misery.

......

The tears flowed calling the morning
it was the mind who wanted sleep
sleep in the arms of that
would take it to the sunlight

The feathers were waiting
to flutter again
or wither away
the heart anxious
for it's beat and rhythm
a violent storm waiting to unleash.

Shhhhhhhhhhh
not a sound
dead is the promise
no more poison
to hold on to the game
of deceit and sweetness

...............................................

Only AN Idea

Awareness brings in transcription
The attention then becomes the life ;
Who can then be a recluse
For a recluse too wants to create
an identity of it's illogical way of being.

The totality of thoughts move around all the time
Knowledge is never absent at any given time
And yet
Never the belief of awareness being there of
that totality is true.

Do I always remember what happened
as it happened
or the way I wanted it to happen
The totality of knowledge in me
then is
not true
or as it happened
but built on what I wanted it to be
hence this cannot be true.

All that you create
is an idea
either
life is joy
or
life is suffering ;
only
an
idea.
Always
waiting
for
an
idea
and
never
for
what
is
there.

The Story

Winds blew hard across my face
who goes there
where did it come
from
and how when I connect
I call the story of my life

Eyes struggle to stay open
they want to see the face of the winds
they want to play a part too
in what
I call the story of my life

"You cannot see " I tell my eyes
"you have no way
to know"
an anxiety builds up in mind
and it stands on a point that
what if it never happened
what I call
the story of my life

In how many ways the hard winds
give comfort
will be never discussed
in what I call
the story of my life

no avenues of reality

far far AWAY from the reality of what is
a relishing emotion
makes me experience emotions
changing me to a
fearful identity

The identity now
far far away from what "Iam" actually am
either it is the reason of conquest
that puts me in this strange position
may be something pushes me in to this war
may be winning gives a new high

Seed sown somewhere to separate first
then spend a lifetime to
connect with consciousness around ;
ideas thoughts and feelings
get importance building a neuron net
in the mirror of memory
the seed grows to "I" ness

the thought process then questions this "I"ness
rage happens
fear grips
seeing and remembering always in conflict
tearing away the peace
and bringing conflicts on daily basis

will acceptance helps
NO
does thought ever matter
NO

why was thought made so real?
who gave it a permission to loose time and space?

this is not an evolutionary life.

period

movement

I look for movement
and see it come to a stand still
my stillness invokes a movement
shreds me apart
what is lost is what can't been seen
and is something gained
NO
nothing gained
is all that is seen.

DUST TO DUST

You search home
and you get dust
only DUST
you won't know that truth
you would be dead BY then.

Life can never be suspended.
Living can
and when
only when
you can think yourself to be suspended.

When you think
you get
what you think
your suspension
and then your search for
your pretensions.

Did I see the truth?
Or was it truth that saw me
saw in ME while I was trying to deceive it
the way I deceived the ME.

You cannot search it
you cannot see it
you cannot say you were on a journey
if you say that
you only think that
but if
the truth sees you
you know
its compassion can kill you.

ILLUSIONS

Illusions create profound knowledge
they play fair and play hard
they bring in pleasures
they bring in pain
try to prove the senses
all their life
that pain is and was
existentially connected
to pleasure.
Illusions connect
me and you to all
such pains and THEIR pleasures.

FREE

Looking at intelligence and then being modest
contradicting in a logical way perhaps.
How can we imagine modesty if not through intelligence?
I fear about drowning before I enter the waters
trying to catch the contradiction
when I hold on to all my fears.
My senses mock me
further disturb me
they speak of some millions of years of intelligence
that has set them FREE.

WHAT IF?

The knowledge I exhibit about ME to YOU ;
and that I know of ME by myself,
there is some kind of space between
both the knowledge ;
and also the conflicts between the
both knowledge never end.
What if both the knowledge
both the the thoughts are
disconnected disjointed and independent,
what if?
what if that knowledge you tell
about you to you
and that you tell others of you about you
is not your own?
what if, NOW.

No One's Own.

I am no one's own
and so is this world no one's own.

Don't tell me I cannot live forever
I'm no pot and there is no potter.

The flood can never destroy the ocean
even the poison is ineffective in peace and accordance.

The Flow

The water flowed and
as it flowed it generated light
did it know from where it started
did it know where it would end ;
but that light that was born from the flow
said the whole story.

"What is and what will be" is
the favorite saying of these people but
it never occurs in the same order ;
dreams come in and dreams flow out
creating light where there was no light
don't spoil it by asking
what will I get out of this light
or how can I exploit this light.

Adhiyagna

I don't know
if that is what I tell myself THEN
what good is or how clever
are these words for me.

If You hear yourself saying that you are changing
THEN
you see yourself deceiving your own self.

Prisions of men don't change
the nature of the prisioner;
they wait and release the prisioner only
when the nature grows weak and old.

The Elements

The obstacles to the flow stay
if I want them to stay.
Can the matter come to rest
this water this earth this fire and this air.
There will never be drifting in existence
so much as I wish or care.
I have to look fate in the face
who wants to convert me to a zombie
and see me lying on earth as a corpse.
I'm no blind
I labour to see my sun.
The mind ripped and a new fury unleashes
the water cracking up every earth in me
whisper
matters and all elements
never cease to exist.
The ashes are now open to the sky
and I know not what the soul is made off.

and again....

The images blurred
after they merged
the vapour then flew into the sky
it sailed
with only one goal
to rain and flow again.

"walk for truth"

You will be lost when you walk for truth
and you will ask how to walk in search of you
the days the nights just pass by
the road never ends and you ask for some more breath
WAIT, STOP AND STAND STILL
an imperishable treasure are 'YOU'
and all your life you look for you
search for you
a truth that is 'YOU' and
you call it a call lie
and walk on someones else's lie
which you called your walk for truth

Insights

Insights are plenty,
I look at them,
They look at the next one.

my world upside down

how the truth of your soul expresses through love
and how flamboyant it is
you could blame the seasons for your madness
but it could also be because the love is so far
and the intoxication of it is so strong
is it a stone or may be yet living

the raindrops

The raindrops were stronger then the sword
they knew
the battles fought in mind are
the longest and the most profound
"help me die"
the music asked the creator
"not before I snap the instruments dead"
the creator replied;
always,
the battles fought in mind
are
the longest and the most profound

this hunter became himself the prey........

The intellect with it's thoughts
roamed around the jungle roaring.
The thoughts were young tigers
fast,hungry and mean.
The intellect was seeking
and hunting goodness and beauty;
an absolute truth in the jungles
of an unknown land.
Nothing less than that the tigers
were allowed to hunt.
Little did it know that
deep in to these hunting grounds
it would itself start turning
beautiful and an absolute truth
and
it's fast, hungry and mean tigers
would eventually hunt it down
and eat it up.

Oh! What a fool.

The flow of life through my veins,
the HIGH of energy in my veins.
Oh! what a fool I was
I searched the high outside of life
AND
It was always flowing unrestricted in INSIDE OF me

"I AM"

"I AM" prior to all earths & heavens.
If I move I AM trapped.
If I cling to I Am, I AM dead.
If it rains only in the ocean, it does not help my fields.
If my ears hear me say I understand I Am, it does not help my mind.

NO TENSE.......

The past dead;
future I really can't know for sure;
present I wouldn't touch,
with a ten foot barge pole.

MY OWN

To free my mind, I have to look at mind.
The past mind; the future mind.
Who are these servants for, me, or some one else's wisdom.
Every single moment IS endless, how do I then look at my OWN
past mind and then the future mind.

My Fuel

Matter comes in to being because of will; hence I produce through my breath.

The breath is the fuel to my body through which it produces what it wants as it wills, the produce come in to being.

As the fuel from the sun expands the universe so does my fuel expand my own universe.

Ignorance increases the resistance of the limitations. The breathing too becomes difficult and the resistance then stops the flow of current through my body. The current that helped me produce.

The Separate ME

When I look at you I cannot see you
When you talk to me
I cannot hear you
I carry a separate ME
All the time this ME looks at me seeing you
Every moment this ME talks to me what he listens from you

I have a choice the ME tells me
Can I choose me over the ME
Yes the ME affirms
And continues his game of separating me

stars

longing and travelling through many a time
many a lands far and high
once
on a hot silent night
an accident made the highest sky
sprinkle something magical
magical was she
magical her herbs
two magical stars
that night
lit up the whole
heaven and high

Jealousy

The child ran where the lights met
he ran till his heart went
The joy of love took him to paradise
new and old
The years and the season of love
gave birth to jealousy,
The child was a man now
His run to paradise was long now
and often he could never reach them
The subject born out of love - this jealousy
denied the man his paradise
which was so easy when he was a child

I NEED

I need wings and not chance
I need gates and not hope
I need shoes and not faith
I need longing and not promise
I need enthusiasm and not a proposition
I need now and not the eternal

Heroic

If I'm a thought
I'm a heroic thought

Every tear is my weapon
Every smile a scorn

A paradise in me
As still as it could be

Love thrown in fire as
The anger sings me praise

I'm alone and so is my death
My passion for you cannot be trespass`th’

...the other side...

and I say show me some tears, show me some heart, show me some work, show me some life

and before you think Raj you see your face in a mirror & kick yourself to the other side of life

and on the other side is a little restlessness, a small song, a reunion, a hug, a smile, a fierce thought, a wish, a light, some craziness & some journeys, . . .

The beginning

I sighed and turned my eyes towards
the sky;
I reasoned why the beginning
was supposed to be burnt.

Loneliness is fragile and yet
it is that who knows the end;
the angry waves can only help
to steer my ship
to a peaceful strip.

I'm in grief for I know
the beginning was a lie;
now I live
to hear my voice
and see no weep in my eyes.

The Wind

A night in my childhood was spent in the
shadows of the winds.
Shadows were long that night and
seemed to never end.

I can't see
they teased me

I hear myself screaming and
they teased me
I couldn't hear

What do you want?
I whispered

What can you give?
they asked and laughed

Try Thinking
Try Spitting
They roared in my face

I spat and
they sprayed it back on my face

Hate
they sang
Will make you strong and fair

Sometime late and deep in to darkness
they whistled me to sleep with
a warm blanket of tropical breeze.

Autumn leaves in dusk

Autumn leaves in despair
Lie scattered in my path
It is dusk and their stillness
Alone they lay in pain
Without wings they wait for winds to
take them away to distant lands

You are free I tell them sitting down close
to them
You lie they cry
We see you cry too behind your smile
This life is now ashes and they sigh

I knew I could never loose on my own
Silence and numb with emptiness
I sat with them
and sang to them
it was never their fault
you lived to your highest and
now you would travel the farthest

SHE

Close enough to feel alive and not yet in any rush she took the freeway to love.
The day the night she walked asking thanking the new path to feel alive.
The season changed the breath and she sang praying for her heart to see her in the ever changing light.
Her smile her hands knew her now; they were now in the shadows of her eyes and she was close enough to feel alive in her own self.

Broken Wings

'Bravo, Bravo, sing for me more, you make me laugh, you make me cry'.
My eyes closed as she eased back in to the melody, I watched the sweet melody elope with happiness and how far far away it flew with me on it's broken wings.
My truth indeed was in the flight, oh my dearest radiant one;
how you carry me in your broken wings.
I drink you all and sing you praise; my
hero I thank you for your strenght and your mighty thoughts.

Notes About Me.

The years ahead are now: Thrilling.
Very Specific.
And Absolutely Achievable.

The power the needs can unleash are tremondous. The power brought about by the passion of my objectives.
They have settled absolutely perfectly in the vision.

The power burns and overwhelms ever moment of mine. Every moment is going to be identical now.
The objectives that spring from the core values are me. My core values are not dependent on the totality or the collective values achieved by man. That totality gives birth to YOU & ME. But MY values are independent of that totality so they are free of the "YOU & ME" and so are my objectives and the solutions to all the problems that I face.
That is the point that burns & overwhelms ME making every moment a thrilling moment

Awake

The thrust comes with tremondous force sharpening the factual memory ; every belief becomes then questionable.
Contemplation of every answer is a tremondous waste of time;
I say there is no need to do anything to be awake, you were are and will always be awake.

Run

The hill ahead and the thoughts so slow; I'm broken down again.
Run, run without your caravan as my breath wakes up my truth.
The truth cries a river and my eyes are frozen in time.
Look at me I can run and feel myself; exhaustion vanish with every step and I'm surprised to see myself up on the hill again.

Finite Space

Finite Space and certainty of it's existence helps me to forgive my memory loss. I can with this certainty forget what I want, when I want.

Must Be pleasurable for man to be aware of finite Space for centuries now. Or may be later.

How could I exist before birth?

No never.

A is A you see but after birth & also within the finite Space.

Had Socrates known that he would die with his death; he would have made love not principles of truth.

And who contested that A is A exists only on paper.

Who!?

Form & function does work outside the philosopher's class, I bribe without a shame. I'm immortal shamelessly for my exploiter, on paper only.

With chemicals and nuclear weapons I understand form and function, but what about people, I mean it's a bit complicated, have you seen my wife.

If A is A, how did I land up being married.Will I or can I reassess my values. Living in a value system provides free will, said who.

I see my point but you promised to show me my soul. The problem of the point runs deeper. A is A is not enough I need more options. OK, let me act out as I have plenty of options. A magical therapy would help me see my soul now and I would banish the point just like that. ... I start in earnest to mop for my soul

The space being finite my search would end fast.

Or the need to search would end fast.

Invisible

Can I be invisible and hear you
Can I be invisible and paint you
Leave a trace; leave a secret;
I Can; can you keep your eyes closed.
I could then be invisible.
I could then hear you.

The Stranger

Who is finding who?
A stranger walks in the mirror and the seer can't sleep.
The image seems a good man and I a nobody.
I keep looking hoping I will know him more.
Can I talk he asks;
What can I do to sleep and or feel my body?
Touch me and make me real.
The streets remained dark and nights long, very long.
I was immortal for him and he a stranger for me.

Home

Let's go home; a tiny insignificant sunshine laughter awaits me there.
The life the work the journey back home; vanity and honor sing my failures calling my return a dirty trick
how can you find the way back to home they ridiculed further.
I smile and my tears smile back all the life between me and my years.
The walk back home was just a step away always.

I open my eyes it is sunrise, I blink, The eyes open to see the sunset. I have never known when it was when.

The fences and the fence maker.

Seeing distinctly the gradual process; the curtain slowly came down the fences. The fence maker could still see a part of the fences; he could not feel the sadness as he could also see the Vast expanse without beginning, middle or end.
His fences always defined them and now they were being striked out. He was at ease with the sight which was free of all constraints and with his mind that was filled with childlike humour. He stood like an impassive witness like the tamarind trees outside his fences; the home was now seen.

The Child

I closed my eyes and a child sang I heard him jump and shout he beckoned me to run in the wilderness of my mind; the lust to fly and the and the joy to dive.

The child leaped a sunshine to mock my gray hair, and laughed at my stiffness;

living every move he wanted to make a gypsy great.

The heavens opened as he soared high;

the stars laughed at his madness;

smiling at my weariness the face of my dream made me dance to his songs.

ODDS

I passed through a thousand rooms tonight stacked with odds, had I not known the end, I would have stopped.

Fear

Fate ended when fear stopped operating,
It was awkward when life held my hand,
Entering a wall with no doors,
I came home and my steps knew,
The certainity called life.

Imaginations

Imaginations stood still and the thoughts became subtle,
did my mind originate from where the brook began its journey, and
why would I care for my source, if I could never free me of time.
The unbalanced forces nurtured my perceptions, imaginations then
destroying the limitations of my mind, forced it to ask questions for which there were no answers.
Existence of reality exists only within the simplicity of life, a force so undefined, throwing in imaginations of new interpretations and of my existence, with the desires in constant chaos that could make altering reality a certain possibility.

Delusions

The realization of a deluded state of mind dawned a new thought, where am I in relationship to myself got a whole new meaning.

I sat walking through my mind, understanding where thoughts come from, each bringing their own realm, realms of the self-mind I saw never existed ever.

The calmness and stillness arise from delusion, they appear suddenly and are lost the next moment, their true existence will always be questionable.

I paced through my mind, and the certainty that I carried with it was that I shall never stop and stay in the realms of a deluded path.

ANGER

Emotions ran high
The blood gushing
Boredom had made in roads
The eyes knew the taste of time
The hands of clock had strike'd'
So much energy lied there to be thrown up
I looked at I
I then looked at life
What could it do
What did it care
Anger could set me free
Anger an extraordinary expression of life
Was all that I could ever use
I was told I should not use anger
Control it
Censor it
Who wanted to limit life
Who wanted to censor life
Who made the emotions run high
Who set the boredom in my "I"
Not Life
For it still makes anger available to me.

Last night in the rains; read a book that was too detailed.
What ever happens now cannot be controlled.

Lights and Shadows

The movement of thought
The movement through lights and shadows
Can I clarify what I see; what I hear
A feeling begging to be named
To be imagined
The threatened mind
The threatened image
It's movement through lights and shadows
I rise and so do the flames
The shadow of the flickers
Count on me the breath exhales
Bellowing the fire to a cracker
And I look for rain
Hard rain
All that rains is the
The movement of lights and shadows

Inheritance

Inherited the genome

Inherited the mind

Inherited the talking

Inherited the clubs

Inherited the word

Inherited the world

It was a big risk coming here all by myself

Let me drive a hard bargain

What I inherited

To what COULD Have Happen

What is the action of accepting?

Adding something more to the memory?

And without knowing what memory is?

To look in to me is something that is not possible because I'm busy looking in to you.

Censorship to maintain a false status quo in the society gives birth to the Irrational behavior that a subject himself cannot explain, desire, or control & hence it becomes a disorder that can't be looked into because the subject himself is the creator of the censorship and the society; the society is not outside of him.

I'm the society and I would be a damn fool to claim that all my actions are rational or I'm a rational man, I have had my stupid moments and crazy outcomes, but the point is I call them stupid or label them crazy because of the moral codes of conduct laid down by me. To look in to me is something that is not possible because I'm busy looking in to you.

despair

He searched the world for truth, thought he the man child as winters are next to spring; the storm and his walk alone with a promise of a yellow sky. He wanted to live his gold mine, trying his fate in a perplexing planet.
Is it why man looked up to the moon?
He was on his knees in despair, being dragged by some mystic yonder. Do you want to hear my story the man child asked God; and the whistle sang that was all you wanted my dearest "your story" and that was your idea of truth that you searched, your story above everything else. You have your story now so why this despair and why this weariness; go sing your story and live,
I'm irrelevant and will always be to all your ideas and mentations so even I can only wish that you could be happy again.

YOU SEE IT ONLY WHEN YOU WANT TO SEE IT.
YOU CAN WHENEVER YOU WANT.
NOTHING CHANGES TILL YOU SEE.
NOTHING CHANGES AFTER YOU SEE.
SEEING SHOULD NEVER BE DISCOURAGED.

Hunger and only hunger can fine tune my capacities, no one create it for me, no one can destroy it.
" Tujhe dekhoon toh aaye lab pe khusi"

AM I?

Am I on automatic?
Am I on automatic where my start and end results in my further evolution?
Am I choosing within a framework and call it choosing but in actual the options available or those that I see have are as it is non-existent because of the automation I run on?
If I am a right brain guy I would see this like that.
If I am left brain guy I would hold my pen like this.
What if the complete universe is in loops?
Can every law that we have been able to pin point and observe are in some sort of a cycle?
The short cycles can be observed in one life cycle i.e. 65 /75 years or I could keep data of last 600 years and try to come up with a cyclic law?Can the glaciers tell me the story of the earth of past millions of years?
Can they show some cyclic patterns?
What if I take a quantum jump as to where I can read your mind?
Would you call it evolution or a matter of chance that I happened to read your thoughts?
What if then there is no coming back to what I was before the jump?
If chance existed the chance could reverse my quantum jump, can I suddenly find myself in stone age, if at micro level I can find the electrons anywhere; so at macro level should I find myself anywhere by chance?

Imperfections

My imperfections are many

So are my possibilities

Memories don't fancy me

Memories are innocent

Like some hot chocolate

It makes me smile

Window shopping is all that I do with it

How amusing is the laughter of a possibility

I keep working

On my imperfections

With my possibilities

I keep listening

To my imperfections

About my possibilities

A Game

If it was only a game, I should have been amused

It is crystal clear, The absurdity of calling it a game

The energy spent, You say for something that does not exist

The search is not a game, Wanting to play is the pain

You repeat the moves that you learnt as to how to play the game

Yet you loose and you still love to call it a game

What happens to my body after my death, You ask and you still call it a game

The speculations about death and reincarnation,

make you a pawn in your so called game

Mind

The mind dreamt of heavens to open
The mind dreamt of the search to end
The mind dreamt to kiss the breasts
The mind dreamt to groan and grin
The mind dreamt to sing in starlight
The mind dreamt of flowers to be picked
The mind dreamt
The mind worked
The mind was never silent
The mind was never supposed to be silent
Silence was not its nature

Time

We wish for the time lost to come again, so that we would not do what we did, we always look back and think , I wish I could have my time back and I would do that or I wouldn't have done that.
We wish for it to come again because we think that every event occurs in a circular pattern/ effect.
We scan all our actions, some take relief in believing that the mistakes were there as lessons, some don't want to change a thing because it helped them learn, but even in those cases they wish the time to come again so that could practice what they learnt.So everyone whatever their approach to life may be, whatever their philosophy may be, have this strong under current of wanting the time to come again.
This demand for cyclic patterns wants us to look young and beautiful for ever and plenty of instances in history where humans have gone to great efforts in preserving their bodies long after they died.
How could thought become eternal? How could time be immortal?Why as existence I allow that? Why do I let time in? Why do I let pain in?

I Need To Know

What is that you want to know; something helps binds,

is that what your mind shouts.

What is that you hear; something that only you say,

is that what your thoughts think.

What is that you reflect; something about soul and the universe,

is that your moment of darkness.

What is that you dream; something that you desire,

is that not your mirage.

What is that that you want to feel; something that you can hide,

is that your perception which can't lie.

Does time know of the shadows that come and go?
Can the mind breach anything that You want?
What are the limitations of a restless spirit?
Who said visions were framed in dreams?

What if truth is a simple physical phenomenon? not a mystery,
or a mystical abstraction,
or a trick, or a talk,
and so how does it come about?
The entire structure threatened by that phenomenon,
and what is that I want?
is there anyway can I allow that question.

Everything I am and who is anymore,

You saw you and through your own,

Aware were you always,

Awake was the only state,

does the SUN go to sleep,

or it lights up an another world to see.

Touch someone and be touched

Touch someone and be touched

A pretty good feeling

To keep you on your toes

Chemistry turns abstract

Impulsive it can be called

Being ridiculous is so simple

It makes you laugh

Like a disobedient child

I say

Get embarrassed

But hey

Touch someone and be touched

The Movement Of A Pause

You know when the mind pauses,

An unsure long pause,

The spirit disturbed,

Is it hungry for something to learn?

Not to inhale hope,

Or a stale experience,

Gratitude is what he teaches worst,

How does God loves his work?

The movement in light,

Brings the lessons alive,

Turns you away for the quiet,

Hey does the sunshine teach a lot to mind?

Treasures touch you

You walk with them

They let tears flow

You let them go

They stay with you

Losing control is nice

Alive is what you feel

Lost are you

The treasure you hold

The vision you live

It Is Not Through But What You Are Left With

To Be Brutally Honest With Your Own Self, You Do Not Require Courage.
Courage Cannot Help You. It Is Not Through THAT that You Reach THERE.
If You Find Your Self In That Strange Situation Of Being Brutally Honest With Your Own Self, Then All You Are Left With Is Courage.

Untouched by you

Untouched by search

Untouched by disguise

Untouched by true lies

Untouched by godly perfection

Untouched by boundaries and blood

Untouched by memories of redemption

Yet and somehow TOUCHED BY LIFE.

You stay there,
Calm and content the eyes sail,
The clarity makes the walk swift,
You found it the hard way,
The choice between what you want from what you need.

You stay there,
The shadow vanish,
As the lights go deep,
They never ever made any sense,
Neither did the lights,
You see something and you never question back.

Nostalgia

With both hands productivity organized,

Unified they understood and clenched "That's it, that's it",

Nostalgia was felt in the mind,

The breath in the lungs.

It was a journey of ideas uniting the importance of each,

Fever in the pit of the stomach,

Instincts in the mind,

The joy BLEW away all kinds of "TIME".

The appetite of life questions you all the time,

Who goes first it shouts,

It has nothing to say or a story to tell,

The total always remaining the complete.

Driftwood

The driftwood rolled up some memory
It thought it needed some for the winter sleep
The hope of living the summer and it could live to be anything it wanted to be
The rains did not matter now
Neither did misfortunes
Pulling itself together it rolled to learn.

It was earth and it knew it had to help itself through the Arctic freeze
Strangers rolled by it and among some who could love it
It was paradise that they seeked as they rolled
The driftwood wanted none of that
All that it wanted was to roll till the sun could smile
Perhaps be a grave with no sign.

Something in it's eye made others to stop a bit
Steal a kiss and roll on
All wanting to achieve their goals
Drifting along for reasons known unknown
And the driftwood rolled up some memory
It thought it needed some for the winter sleep.

Standing still I walked alone.

You did the drill, looked straight out
The walk was your song and the night lighted your path
Never thought and did not bother as you took none along
Perhaps your shadow could walk with you and see your walk through

What could you care of how you were told it to be done
You never picked up the pieces and what came easy
Looked for the reason and its long lost child
Apart from you who else would want you

Your pocket map was always a myth
So now you got lost to find a way
The air filled in the guts to show you your truth
Standing still you walked alone.

-----------

One thing that is certain is that every human being realize at the point of death, that they could have lived alone, that moment there hits you hard with that realization, but you are no longer alive to reap the benefits of that enlightenment, its too late.

You drop dead.

If you do survive death then somehow you are LUCKY.

WHEN THE HOPE BURNS

When the hope burns
The day dawns

When dreams runs
The tear turns

When eyes don't look back
The mind is back on track

When the Sun shreds the cloud
The heart beats and my eyes speak aloud

When you know the only reason for living
The mind solely indulges in reaping

When the hope burns
The day dawns

Window Sill

The window sill
The courage unknown
I reach out
Stretch my hands
All the colors of the rainbow
Is all I want
The want was always a part or me
Never something other than me
Am I beyond my own reach
Am I beyond the colors of the rainbow
That I see
Beyond my window sill

What is That I Can't Do For Money.

I'm All For Sale,
If You Have Some Money.

Only For Money,
I Can Love You,
Let You Love Me,
Before And After Death
I Can,
For Some Money.

I Learnt It By Heart,
The Anthem For Some Money,
I Fake My Feelings ,
If I get Some Money.

Sell My Life For A Pot Of Gold,
My Half Brother Was Always Money.

The Strength Of Money Is True,
The Inner Voice,
Calls To Employ The Mind,
Only For Some Money.

The Human Need To Know,
How Much Is In Store,
I Worship,
I Pray,
For Some Money.

You Must Be Sleeping,
You Must Be Dreaming,
You Must Be Dead,
If You Aren't Worried About Money.

Feeding The Creatures On The Borders,
In The Name Of My Land,
Feeding The Creatures In My Domain,
In The Name Of My Security,
I Fear The Loss Of My Money,
My Sleep For Sale,
If You Give Me Some Money.

The Gateway To All Soul,
Is Bought By Money,
I'm All For Sale,
If You Have Some Money.

Death Won't Help,
The Burial Ground And My Ceremony
Would Need Some Money.

Till I'm Living,
What is That I Can't Do For Money.

The Highest Interpreter

The speech halted midway

The vision stuck in wonder

The breath choking itself

Turned me in to one big question mark

The void was - was lucid

It took some time for the senses to come back

I needed words to describe it

Call it a mystery

Or a starless night

The knowledge of earth seemed undone

The thoughts endless

Shouting was my brain

Was the abyss bright

Pure crystal or light

The existence was the bond

That held me to the question yet unborn

How rich can unfathomable space be

As if every atom in universe was a game

I laughed

I knew nothing

Bonded was I by time and space

Presence could never be comprehended

Were the rules of this heavenly game

May be existence made me

The highest interpreter

That is all that far I could go in this game.

Devoted to life

Smile let in itself

Life let in

The dying heart

Devoted to yesterdays

Laughed death a goodbye

It had fought hard

Held on to all dead

In rare times living too

Smile from heaven

Let life in life

I stood back and still

Eyes welcoming life

Calling on my heart

To feel it beat

To feel devoted

Devoted to life.

And how the smile had let itself in.

The wet sands of time.

The feet sunk deep in to the wet sands,
Every step forward held a promise of eternity,
Leaving no traces behind them,
They could see what was there,
I saw only what I wanted to see,
They knew
What I had still to know,
They already had
What I had still to search,
They were already walking,
As I was still thinking,
Thinking not about
What was there,
Thinking about
What I wanted to think.
But those were the wet sands of time.

The Storm

The clouds gathered

At the edge of the rocks by the sea

They desired to change

Change to a storm

Life was plain

Plain floating across the land mountains oceans

Changing their mind so often

From certainty to uncertainty

Today by the ridges

Wishing to be gone

In to the something after death

As they gathered

At the edge of the rocks by the sea.

Pain

Shut tight
Are you tonight
Open up
I need to see you
You my eyes
You saw the pain
And it was clear
You want me dead
Here forever
Anger in memory
Is always living
Nothing can tear it apart
So open up
You my eyes
Yes
I need you tonight
Even if You would
Set Ablaze
This I of mine.

Without a split

The cell split
Had it a choice
It would still split
It is in love
It does crazy things for love
Loves growth
Loves life
It splits for growth
It splits for life
Its THE movement of LIfe
I want to grow too
I love life too
I fear split
I fear to loose
I don't want it
I dream to grow
Without splitting
I'm no stupid cell
I invent faith
I invent hope
I invent Heaven
I invent the sham theories
To grow
To live
Without a split

The Cobra

The Threat Was Imminent They Thought,

They Were All Over The Field,

Swords And Sticks To Cull The Cobra,

And Its Entire Family,

Who Would Have Threatened

To take A Single Life Out Of Fear Maybe

Fear Of Humans.

They Risked Their Entire Crop And Chose To Kill For An Idea.

Why Did The Man Fear?

Why Did The Man Kill?

Kill The One Who Saved His Crops.

When Black Is Out of Sight

I See Black

And Reflections Of Black

Cause I Want To be White

Not A Reflection Of White

I have To find It

I Can't Find It

In Despair I Cry

It Exists

As I See Its Opposite

Keep Seeing

I Assure Myself

Till Absurdity

Takes Me Out Of Sight

What Would Happen To White

When Black Is Out of Sight

LIFE IS

All that the life can and wants to do is

To live

All that the entity wants to do is

How to live

All is the you

The dreams are you

The dances are you

The questions are the you

The answers are you

Are we you, you ask

Are we dreaming, you ask

The whispers are you

Its all that life wanted

To whisper you

Life IS

THANK YOU

withered stone

Stunning and dark are
The lines the curves and the pits of my withered stone
Across the mountain river beds that it has travelled
Thrashed and brutalised it was
How could life treat it so well
Cloaking the hits and bloodsheds with perfume of wise
The mystifying song has a lot of grief
Cutting and sledging is all it has known
Stunning and dark are
The lines the curves and the pits of my withered stone

Yet and yet and yet and yet

The truth flowed as it is

Just as the head rolled

There was no soul

No centre

No psyche

The relation

What was I told

What was it that I was sold

I had to believe

I had to hallucinate

I asked

Answers were the same

I asked

Yet and yet and yet and yet

Till the head rolled

And it was only then

The truth flowed

Built In Intent

So somehow this built in intent to keep learning invites the so called blocks/problems in my life, and they in turn actually help me grow, and I still have the choice to let go of that intent at any given point of my life.
I can choose to stop breathing, and that does not help anything atall.

Ego.

The ego can never be denied, as the reality of world cannot be denied.

The EGO AS IT IS and the reality of the WORLD AS IT IS, is something that there is no need to understand and that there is nothing to understand.

Accepting both is not the word, its that you can't do anything with both of them.

The question is are they a problem so enormous for you to deal with that you have to search the truth behind it.

What if people who led you in to a belief that the primary need of a human is to deal with his ego and in doing so can get in to terms with the reality of the world, WERE OFF THE MARK BIG TIME.

What do you do, where do you go from there?

Isn't the sense of goodness directly proportional to the true view of life?

how simple

The breathing says it all.

When in action you breathe in a rhythm.

When in contemplation you breathe shallow.

All His Heart-Beats

The Adolescent Walked Into Adulthood

Carrying With Him His Memories

Set Out To Trade

All His Memories.

Thought He

That They Could Make Him A Fortune

Well ....

It Was All His Heart-Beats

Woven In Some Fine Colors.

What Did he Know Of Fortune

He Asked Himself Many A Times

A Love That His heart Can't Contain

Or A Vision Richly Inspired

And Now He

Trusted The Universe Could Quench His Thirst

As He Knew

The Heart- Beats Were His Limitations.

"RAISE THE BAR, JUST RAISE IT"

What is this thing about consciousness that wants you to experience it, how can one be conscious about consciousness and then measure it.

Well I can't physically go back in to childhood and say why I liked a particular flavor in an ice cream and what different did it offer me then the rest of the flavors.

Nor can I study a child and speculate how would his consciousness behave fifteen or twenty years from now.

Things are constantly changing, our understanding of space matter and time have newer definitions and they too are being challenged.

So what is about consciousness that wants you to take drugs , or meditate or do yoga or a tai-chi or set out on a journey to find it, become a mystic and go inwards or study different philosophies made available by minds before us.

Honestly no one knows a thing about it, claimants are plenty and they have their own brands, operating them like a strip joint where they sell their brand of consciousness.

The more you bring in the brain the more you talk of chemicals and networking and the only conclusion that comes about is that the brain may be always acting in response to a stimulus, and never on its own.

So brain is out but yet forms a big part of a study into consciousness.

Experience too wants us to look in to the consciousness every time we think this was something new, the minute you say new , you bring in the memory too in to play.

The five senses provide us with a lot of data, and sometimes one or two senses get entwined too, making us taste something that we touch or see.

I have dust allergy and if I see dust and am in a air tight room and dust happens to be outside that room I still start sneezing as if I did inhale it.

I ask aren't I conscious of the fact that I was in an another room and there was no way that any dust could enter my nose.

The mind the brain and the five senses working in tandem and our availability of a language to communicate gives birth to a word called consciousness , and if that is true where did the thousand suns came from or the light visuals that come from intake of LSD, or the loss of body consciousness due to high blood pressure come from. Maybe the drugs, meditation, yoga, and all other techniques offered by medical people(ANTI-ANXIETY PILLS), religious people, a disney land, or a strip joint or people from creative arts just alter the levels of blood pressure and make that different levels of consciousness a thing to be explored again and again.

Its a great feeling to experience a different level all the time.

As they say "RAISE THE BAR, JUST RAISE IT"

Frustations.

If It Was Not For Frustrations,

I Couldn't Have Had Any Imaginations.

The Dark Long Corridors Of Frustrations,

Lead To Creations Of All Arts Forms.

Whatever That I Landed Myself In,
Was Because Of That.

It Is Living,
It Is Dynamic,
It Destroys To Create.

The Memory Took Away The "I".

Word By Word

As The Awareness Grew

The Memory Took Away The "I".

What I Know Now

The Way I Act Now

Depends A Lot On That Now

The Conflict To Bring It Back

Was Lost Long Back

Can The Memory Let The "I"

Express Itself

Can I Express

learning begins

where memory ends

SETTLED?

How can I ever allow myself to settle?

No, never.

ulcers

ulcers are absolutely fine, nothing wrong in having them, whats wrong is when they start bleeding.
you don't want them to bleed ever, it hurts bad.

the pain that makes you feel at home...

You send invitations for a party, you end up being the only one invited, scary, funny, NO, frustrating.

The first morning of your relationship with someone special that made you feel great before that morning, now makes you question your happiness, her happiness.

You start sending feelers out, make adjustments, try to understand and so does your partner, so it's like both try to throw a party at different places the same night at same time and both invite each other, but you can be at only place at one time.

Yeah, well...

If love is the pain in the pit of the stomach, a constant pain, that pain makes you feel at home.

So is it the companion that you seek for some meaningful discussion that you can share and have a great time or the pain that makes you feel at home?

rhetorical question

it was always a rhetorical question:

who am i?

IN ALL WAYS

THE MORNING AFTER

What happened next

There always have to be a next, right

Well now

Even the PROMISE of a

Healthy Life

Better Life

Amazing Life

Life Here & Now

Blissful Life

Religious Life

It Doesn't Matter Too Much Life

Transformed Life

Ecstatic Life

NATURAL LIFE

Silent Life

THE MONK WHO SOLD HIS " WIFE" LIFE

One Life

The Last Life

Transcendental Life

AFTER LIFE

makes me want to puke all life, rest of my life.

yeah you read right, PUKE.

Tears

And you were touched where no one touched you before
Wasn't a feeling
No it weren't the words too
Night like last
Comes once a million years
You never saw it coming
And it was better that way.
There is no song to sing,
Can't show your loneliness,
Yet the Eyes confessed,
you were touched where no one touched you before .

The Third Dimension

Existence undermines the very foundation of all human thoughts.

Leave the eyes alone and they can't see the roundness of a tree, all they see from any given frame is flat.

Automation

So what if you become very ACTIVE. It's not that
You step on the gas, however you come in automation. There is No way to know that it is the YOU.

The good bad and ugly

The only thing I knew was the GOOD of my image, you see I was taught to think positive. So I was forced to look at only the GOOD of my image. The image when destroyed takes the good bad and ugly with it.
The question is do you want to loose everything you have?

Fusion Through Combustion

In The Mind Of Hyper Space
I Hear Noises Far And Near
How Come Breathing Almost Shuts
The Depths Have No Emotions
The Stillness Just Before
You feel
Currents Heavy
Data Recording Is Lost Somewhere
As If
Millions Of Years
Have Gone By
Did Someone Say
Its A Single Cell
Where
Fusion Through Combustion
Takes Place.

oh my god ....

Oh Doctor! I want you to play GOD, tell me whats wrong with me. The mirror lies but your instruments tell the truth.

Confessing to you is much easier than in the church, your image creates more faith in me than that thing there.

I don't have the right questions, but believe that you have all the right answers, tell me WHY first the questions don't end.

I have tremendous confidence in you to give me the answers although most of the times I don't follow.

I want comfort and the belief fortifies me as the faith in your answer helps me learn, more the faith better the health, if the problem continues it is because of ME and not you OH MY GOD.

Please give me ice packs, comfort me, I come to you to experience my self again and again.

Oh my god.

So what's my point?

Whoever it was, who was trying to capture the highest breath in an conscious state is never there.
A dream cherished is shattered & just when it started to become a reality ... it was over. I never wanted the dream to get over perhaps. Whatever it is I will always remain what I am even in the next few hundred years doing the same thing, making the same mistakes.

What's the worst that can happen now?
I learnt that I can do away or stay with the answers. Attachment to your available answers do not need to be changed.

So what's my point?
What is out is selectivity and censorship.
What can the rain drops do when the storm is in its fullest.

A Short Story

The story continued and so did the hope. One would end the other was born through faith.

The Eyes shut in the night when thoughts succeed in continuing itself through some filthy fantasy.

Getting up needs some sermons or some pathetic painful yoga lesions or the neighboring parks sick laughter club.

The TV feeds you kellogs and soya so you can dream more and continue your " I - YOU - WORLD" story.

The FM channels manages to let you through your daily grind.
You froth and fume,tax your health without any force or will,
earn well and sometimes a lot to make the Doctors Lawyers rich.
It's a wild party and indulgence helps the story continue .
I simply Love it or say I'm simply loving it with a mouthful of a cheeky burger.
"Whatever" is the sms on the brand new E- Series, yeah whatever.

Many A Stars On Fire

The Eyes Could Hear The Burning Flames ,
The Natural Gifts Are All A Crime.
Shouting Was I In The Deaf Ears,
Sting Me To Heaven Was My Cry.
The Fate Lost All Its Tears,
Extinct In Both, Made Me Walk.
I Can Be Alone,
And I Need No Sunshines,
This Is My Strength,
As It Set Many A Stars On Fire.

The Shadow

The Shadow Hung From The Tree,
More In Sorrow
Than In Still.
The Birds Feared,
And Also Lost Their Hearts.
Fear It Not,Oh My Child,
The Shadow Never Hangs Long.

Confusions

Confusion Loves To Play God,
Always Makes You Give Up Things Easily.
Why Should It Hypnotize You,
And Choose A Life For You.
You Are Blind Not To See It,
You Claim You Don't Know,
That The Clouds Still Hang On To You.

The Sniper

Awake Was I Now
Awake While I Slept Too
Senses Functioning
As If They Were To Die
The Very Next Moment
Alert Like A Sniper Was I
Nothing Is
AMiss Now.

Neurosis

The head split last night ,
Head in red hung over the blue,
Frame sagging my torso as water washed away my humility,
The chill of the water shrinking my nudity,
Nudging me to stretch my hands and snap out.
Mirror weeped
Reflecting a mazed face,
As the red overpowered the blue.

AND......

And You Stopped

And You Saw I Shrugged

And You Whistled When I Whistled

And That was All You Had To Do

And That Was Simple

And You Did

And Now

And Now Would You Walk

And Dance

And For Me

And Let Me Burn In Your Arms

And Let Me Live Through My Death

And Let The Understanding Seep Through

And That There Was No Need To Understand

And That There Is Nothing To Understand

Respond

A Star UP There Responding
To The Movement Of
A Speck OF Dust On Earth.


The Deep Slow Breath Responding
To The Movement Of
The Dew ON The Grass Blade.

The Fingers ON The Strings OF A Guitar Responding
To The Movement Of
The Waves OF An Ocean Lashing The Rocks.

Colors Splash IN The Mind Responding
To The Movement Of
The Dawning OF A Living.

NO CAUSE
NO EFFECT
The Movement Of Breath
The Cycle Of Universe.

CROOK

Time Is Always Plenty

To Much Time To Do

All That I Do

I'm Not A Politician

Not In The Making

I'm No Saint

Not In The Making

I'm No Police Man

Not In The making

I'm No Philosopher

Not In The Making

I'm Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Crook

Yeah A Crook

And Simple In My Making

Nothing To Hide

Nothing To Cover Up

Time Is Always Plenty
To Much Time To Do
All That I Do

So Naturally

I Loved
Loved To Ridicule
To Kill
To kill All
I Learnt It The Easy Way
It Was Simple
All I Did
And So Naturally
To Lay Down
The Rules Of Conduct
For YOU.

The Rich Man

Money Poured In
The Rich Man Got Rich
How

I Imagined
Imaginations Taught Me
Subtle Was The Way
To Steal

I Got To Be Rich
I Got To Be A Thief

I Don't Need Money
All I Want Is To Steal

Thieving Is A High
The Dawning of Skills
Higher

And How The Rich Man Got Rich.

Time Travel

The brain by itself cannot comprehend time or the flow of time.

That is Physical time and there is no such thing as metaphysical, subjective and psychological time or timelessness.

It is the mind that invents time and all other forms of time. The thought loves to indulge in time travel and also loves to stay in a particular time frame, even if the incident specially a tragic incident has long been passed away.

The thought is so much in love for time travel that it invented astrology, past life regression and visionary men.

I find myself in great distress or pain when the thought travels in time, backward or forward, all it does is create anxieties and depression, makes me want to reach out and take help of astrology, meditation and all other techniques that slow down this time travel.

I'm in touch with a past life regression healer who is not ready to accept that indulging in time travel cannot help stop time travel of the thinking mechanism.

I also found out that people who talk of "HERE NOW" are also not free from this indulgence of thought for they have a vision to free people from pain and misery.

It is purely indulgence in thought and you are bored and the thought chokes you. You take drugs , meditate, work, have sex and so many other techniques to force you in to stopping these thoughts to travel in time.

Standing Still

The incoming breath brings in the awareness of existence outside of me, the outgoing breath reveals the awareness of existence inside of me. It is the breath which splits the awareness of outside from inside putting me on a merry- go-round all my life in trying to integrate the ourside with the inside. This integration is just not possible till I keep breathing, I have to as choking never helps. I'm stuck with it & the only option now available is to stand still.Awareness of breath cannot help integrate the outside with inside.

Toil

Fingers Deep In The sand
Knees Sink Through The Sand
Under The Blazing Sun
I Find Enjoyment
Is It The Work Of The Earth
Or Heaven Above
A Tear Drops
And One More
Till Eyes Empties Them All
Changing The Color Of The Sand
Nourishing The Earth
Nourishing Me
And All That Lies
Till Heaven Above

Reflecting My Own Light

Did I Leave The Self Behind

Oh! What A Question

That's How I Could Look Forward

I Ran Down

Like Rain Water From A Mountain-Ridge Runs Down

Me In Millions

Torn Away from The Source

Tell me

What Happens After Reaching Death

To The Self

Does It Have Its own Light

Or Does It Reflect Light

So I Had No Choice

But To Leave The Self behind

And I Was In Millions

Reflecting My Own Light.

A Hero's Life

Arrow Pierced Through Your Chest
Wrists Behind Handcuffed
Gets Your Chest To Arch
You Are Forced To Breathe
You Are Ordered
To Fight
You Are Told
There Was Never An Easy Way Out
With An Arrow Planted In Your Chest
You Are made To Live
What They Call
Life Of - A Hero.

The Born Unborn

The child in the womb

Rests there as the lord of the past and the future

Guarded by the mother this being the size of the thumb

Same today and Same tomorrow

No Sun Shines there

No moon there

And yet

When the being shines

All that with it shines.

Action At A Distance

Radiation is happening all the time, something that we can't do anything about it.

That's where the assumptions come in to play and we want to know what is that we affect when radiation hits our being, i.e the third law of Newton wants us to think about it.

We need a point or a test field from where we can start to measure. That point or test field cannot help us understand interactions of radiation and gravitation.

The fundamental instrument here being used is intellect, and the intellect becomes redundant because the brain functions or always travels backwards in time and physical perceptions functions or always travels forward in time.

Condense

Transformation can happen this very second. That's what the nature of water is.
The question is - why am I stopping it?

Delaying transformation can never help - it only delays.

It has to occur and it will occur.

When it does - everything is destroyed, this may be the reason why I’m trying to stop this.
Hey I’m a squatter there & all I end up doing is delaying.

A Love Letter

If I saw you , I would listen to you.

Mediocre - A Path Explored

And I walked

Walked on a path

The available path

It lead me no where

I smiled SO

I talked SO

Tried falling in love

The smile could not help it

The talk could not buy it

The eyes did manage to distract

The smile managed a lie

The path

The path told the truth

The truth that it never lead me anywhere

At any given times

SIDESHOW

The cell-to-cell's' pointing to a fundamental force called life, the living a sideshow & this sideshow is all that is here now.
Nothing else matters & no questions necessary make your sideshow the best hand possible.

A Birth So Rare

Drop by drop,

The drop of life,

Yearns for you both,

The nimble hands,

Leave the womb,

With eager love,

Life illuminates,

From heaven above the earth,

Abundantly,

The precious gifts in thousands come.

WANT A GOD

Every want wants me to want more,
I live eat and dream my wants,
Like a river it originates,
Rivers are mysterious,
Wants are a little more mysterious,
Rivers,
If controlled, it rages and destroys,
If allowed it flows deep,
Supporting life forms at in its vastness and depth,
IT NEVER STOPS FLOWING,
You call it a ocean,
I call it GOD.
Want a GOD?

My Thoughts Assassinated

All that I can get from me is very less,
All that I can get from you is ALL.
The thoughts assassinated,
All I got was outdated.

All That Is There

The eyes were drawn deep,

The effulgence of breath captured,

The Life Force hanging just there,

As the misery of existence danced.

It was the DANCE OF LIFE AND LIFE SURROUNDING THAT LIFE.

The Absence

Love,
Its not what you say,
Its what you don't say.
Always.
Love,
The obnoxious thief,
The sleepless nights,
The intoxicated lust,
Its never what I say,
Always what I don't say.

The Effort

The most important thing is to find what you love to do the most. Focusing is a very important aspect for us, we do so many sadhanas to achieve this thing called focusing, from childhood we are taught how to concentrate and focus. Plenty of techniques and methods sold by so many people/institutions are available, but do they really work. I'm certain that they don't work. You walk in to any book store and it's very obvious that they don't work. You have tried it too and you force the same on your children too.

Sometimes you get lucky and you happen to realize -- very late though -- that if you love something and that's the only thing that you want to do, then focusing comes very easily as if its your second skin.

All techniques, all methods that teach you how to focus are there when you force yourself to do something that you actually don't love but you assume that you do.

There is a scene in Shawshank Redemption where a new rookie brags about his stealing capacities and how he gets caught most of the times to which the protagonist retorts that he needs to change his job and it was high time he should realize that.

psyche & memory

The tears always loose their way. Yet in this grand laboratory of ours we are made lame subjects on whom the study of psyche is carried on. But hey the tears always loose their way, there is no way you can capture & contain them. These great admirers & keepers of human psyche con themselves and others.How can you trust them to help you out from your filthy problems? They are the ones who put you there. You are not ready to accept the fact that tears always loose their way.

Anything that implies two ends in conflict. The...

Anything that implies two ends in conflict.
The goal to integrate implies two.
The goal creates misery.

Lust For Life

You knew it all,
The beat of the heart missed,
The first sigh said it all.

The eyes were Passion blind,
Saw the "I" come alive,
When you rode my wild mind.

The lust for life climbed the everest high,
The morning light through your virgin sunrise ,
Saw me die in your ecstasy high.

Bulla

All you do is peep at life through a veil.
Life cannot express itself through a veil.

You desire to do away with it,
Tears of anguish,
Burn down your cheeks.

Courage, wisdom and rituals don't help,
Helplessness is too much to bear.

So all you do is,
Peep at life through a veil.

Knowing now that,
The fear of death is your veil.

You who are still alive,
Use your Imaginations for a great death.

THE ANT FABLE

Every day an ant arrives at work early and starts production immediately , she requires no supervision and is very productive and very happy.
The chief was a LION and he was happy with the output of ant and the lion had a bright idea if ant could produce so much without supervision, how much more could she do with supervision.
So he appointed a cockroach who was an excellent supervisor and very good at writing reports, the first thing that the cockroach did was put up a clocking device for attendance.
He also needed a secretary to type in records, attend phone calls and manage archives, so he appoints a spider.
The reports of the cockroach were impressive with all the analysis and graphs it made the board meetings of LION very interesting, the lion was happy with the analytical approach.
The lion pressed for more so the cockroach now bought a computer and a laser printer and hired a FLY to manage the IT department.
The ant started hating the plethora of paper work and her time was consumed by meetings, making her uneasy and tired.
The lion thought and came to conclusion that a head of department should be employed, so he employed a cicada, the cicada as soon as moving in bought it a new carpet and an ergonomic chair.
The cicada bought in his secretary from his previous workplace and bought a computer and devised a work & budget control strategic optimisation plan.
The place where ant works is now a sad place where no one laughs and everyone remains upset all the time.
The cicada convinces the boss the lion to start the CLIMATIC STUDY OF THE ENVIRONMENT.
The lion having received the charges & finds out that the ant's department is producing less then before and the expenses have gone up.
He recruits an OWL, a prestigious and renounced consultant to carry an audit and suggest solutions.
The owl takes three months to study the ant department and at the end of the third month is ready with several volumes of reports that conclude that:
THE DEPARTMENT IS OVERSTAFFED.

Guess who the lion fires first?

THE ANT BECAUSE SHE SHOWED LACK OF MOTIVATION AND HAD A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.

Blink

The eyes needed to blink,
The eyes did not blink,
They said they would,
When confronted with pain,
I looked at myself,
The mirror could have cracked,
The eyes needed to blink,
The eyes did not blink.

The Eyes Sky Bound

The soles are wet,
The mind stripped,
The eyes sky bound,
Life roaring through the throat,
The soles are wet,
The mind stripped.

Charismatic

You the sky, I chose you,
I the cloud floating in your vast expanse, knowing now the purpose behind the form & movement.
You the sky.

Imaginative Insight

All I see is MEMORY & you can call memories thoughts. The thought is just an another name for memory.
This is exactly why we need to imagine the power of imaginations & what it can bring about.

The desire is the most extraordinary sensation of...

The desire is the most extraordinary sensation of the existence, unfortunately for humans a parallel movement for dealing with this sensation of desire has taken a tremendous momentum. The desire and only the expression of it can set the existence free from this unfortunate movement.

and the wish is NEVER TO DIE. A wish too great to...

and the wish is NEVER TO DIE. A wish too great to bear. So I look up in to the sky and I know am addicted to life. A force rips you apart there is nothing that you can do to avoid or dilute it. You just stop there.

The understanding of the wish is to transform the...

The understanding of the wish is to transform the “WHAT IS”.

The desire to chase a vision comes naturally to a...

The desire to chase a vision comes naturally to a man.
Greatness is a vision and if the house is on fire pour more gasoline to burn it down completely.
It's only from the ashes that the meaning of desire and the cost you have to pay to chase is realized.

I cannot separate myself from my vision and talk ...

I cannot separate myself from my vision and talk about it, anything I say would be misleading.

The VISION can never be a dream. The VISION does...

The VISION can never be a dream.
The VISION does NOT let me sleep.

if words don't come true, WHAT DOES?

if words don't come true,
WHAT DOES?

I may be the reason that I'm alive for. May be...

I may be the reason that I'm alive for.

May be - wtf.

Who the f*** told me I have a CHOICE there.

I'm the reason that I'm alive for.

NO FREEDOM OF ACTION THERE FOR ME. LOL.

There is no prison, they created one only to call...

There is no prison, they created one only to call me a prisoner.
If you somehow hit upon the thought that no person or an external agency can help you get out,no technique, nothing. You then begin to think your way out yourself and you dig your own tunnel and swim through that 500 yards of shit out of that prison.
The prison there exists only to call you a prisoner.

HOPE: It springs up in the most strangest of ways...

HOPE: It springs up in the most strangest of ways.
I'm now a cat on a hot tin roof.

Time stood still today and in that moment I was r...

Time stood still today and in that moment I was reduced to fear.
I am fear.

The diamonds were what I wanted to steal. They s...

The diamonds were what I wanted to steal.
They said to me what took you so long to "want".
We wanted to be stolen long before it even struck you.

It hit me very hard when I saw that I had been su...

It hit me very hard when I saw that I had been surviving on my foolishness.
And then I wanted to keep using that. Stopping that was a threat to me as I knew myself. There was no need to listen to me or even accept what was said by me.

Silence is action happening at almost the speed o...

Silence is action happening at almost the speed of light.
Sound and light are interchangeable .

If you could somehow have a glimpse of your entir...

If you could somehow have a glimpse of your entire lifetime in one single frame or in a flash, it would dawn on you that living was so much easy / easier than having to die.

The Shadow, The Man, The Desire, To Overtake I...

The Shadow,
The Man,
The Desire,
To Overtake It.
When You Die,
You Die.
"So where you gonna sleep tonight", I was asked by a
man with no date.

When you meet first you are a stranger, when you ...

When you meet first you are a stranger, when you part years later , you still remain a stranger.

ask yourself TILL you can ask YOURSELF. May be y...

ask yourself TILL you can ask YOURSELF.
May be you Knew,
May be you were a Stranger.

sometimes attractive,
sometimes disoriented,

Your question now your teacher cracks you for the moon light to fill you.

ask yourself TILL you can ask YOURSELF.

sometimes attractive,
sometimes disoriented,
in the sunlit raging life.

MAGIC A FLASH OF LIGHT IN A DARK ROOM THAT HAPP...

MAGIC
A FLASH OF LIGHT IN A DARK ROOM
THAT HAPPENS NEVER BY CHANCE