a Gem

Hey I found a gem
no ordinary gem this
but a magical friend.

A friend and my
own being
looking through my past
and the magical future.

A crane walking
in the water so still
my friend smiling
in thunderous storm and hail.

A gem
this friend
a light and the path
all rolled in to one
the strength and
the enlightenment.

Go Home Now.

A hallucination
a trip
with an imaginary camera
looking out of a window
I see the sea at my side
a calm sea
a quiet sea
I jump in and I feel safe
yet afraid because
thinking about my strenght and the distance.

You watch me as
you watch a movie
of man who wants to cross
you have heared stories
you call out to me
and ask me
have you seen the beach before
or have you had visions of the beach.

To become a king
is by being erotic
not by massacre
although I was put in
a concentration camp when I was six
they said I would be cool
when I would be out of school.

I am a child
a man
and an old woman
in a camp which seems natural now
shouting for joy
as in searching for joy
at some point
enters a soldier
who tells us he is happy
to kill a stranger
to find me my joy.

I walk around the camp
I walk out
walk all night
tired
I hallucinate
a trip
with an imaginary camera
looking out of a window
I see the sea at my side
a calm sea
a quiet sea
I jump in and I feel safe
yet afraid because
thinking about my strength and the distance.

Visualization

I: Where do I stand?

She: Your heart is in past, and your vision is in future, between the company of these two thoughts YOU stand alone.
You have always stood alone. The love if that is what you want, without even knowing what it is in the first place is what you will get, but only when you find me completely, you may be brave but is that enough.

I: have you ever stopped yourself, I mean you want to express a feeling but you stop...

She: When I was in school I was taught of existence and then I was told about existence of dream, since then I learnt how to dream, dream an existence, I have never stopped since. The reality of all my dreams was that even in dreams one stands alone.

I: So can I be free from this question - where do I stand?

She: freedom?

I: yes, what is freedom or can you define it?

She: freedom is a relative term, freedom from this or that, a relative term cannot bring about any change. An atmosphere of freedom cannot be created through relativity.

I: awareness too then is relative, so even that can't bring about a change?

She: you are aware of the question - where do I stand, you want to be free from it, it is relative to a certain circumstance, and this awareness is not helping you, me being aware of your predicament cannot help you too.

I: so you are free from the thought that you can help me....

She: not only you, but also myself, I know I cannot help myself, I stand alone here too.

I: can I separate myself and look at it?

She: observer? you want to know about the observer? In school I was told about existence, I was made the observer, and then I was made the observer of my dream of existence, since then I was the observer and I had no way of validating that.
I stand alone here too.

The Taxi

"Every one chooses the back" the driver of the rented car says to me, I shrug and then ask him why or what made him say that.

"I know I could have sat in front with you, but I have some reading to do" I say
"That's all we want to do, and no its not only with you, all we want to do all our life is sit back and look back and read, read our self again and again" and the driver looks straight ahead and while driving me talks more about why he has been driving all his life.

We reach the cemetery after some time.

Silence

I want silence,
I keep searching for it
Travel and
meditate
talk to people
and meet people.

I do find silence
and it is gone,
so I start looking for it again
the same way
how everybody else
looked for it.

I felt choked
and I knew it was silence
it wasn't supposed to be like this,
I wasn't suppose to find it like this,
it was worse
because now it couldn't be broken
the silence couldn't be broken.

That moment could be a moment
or a day
or a month
or a century.

I wasn't born with love.

I stopped and thought about the years after I buried myself. I was looking over a wall aware of a universe beyond that wall, a life and I knew that I would be never a part of it.

"I know I only loved you"
"I know" she smiled back, "it always touched me"
"and now" I held myself back "and now can you feel it"
"Even here I can feel it touch me, no matter the years between you and me, a flower that never fades, just stays afresh"

"Sit down if you have a moment" she held my hand
Sitting on air with her I saw her long skirt float and the breeze brought it's perfume to me.

"I wasn't born with anger"
"I know" she nodded " and I wasn't born with love"
"what was the could have been life, have you thought of it" she looked straight at me this time, undressing me of my thoughts.

I stopped and thought about the years after I buried myself. I was looking over a wall aware of a universe beyond that wall, a life and I knew that I would be never a part of it.

Healing

What is that I want to write for me
What is that my ears want to hear from me
What is that I want to talk to me

When I write for me
I heal

When I listen to me
I heal

When I talk to me
I heal

The Finite.

My identity is
finite and limited
and so is the space
around this identity
finite
and limited.

What I write is
what others have wrote
what others wrote
was finite and limited
if it is truly the way of reason
then way of reason too is finite
and limited.

Look at me in matter
I am finite
look at me as my name
that too is finite.

The purity in
my water is finite
and so in my food
and till I live
the length of my life
is finite and limited.

Absolute for me
is finite
and so is my content
I don't know about heaven
but I think now that too is
finite and limited.

The point of contact between
existence
and the identity
of existence
is the mind.

The dreams
when eyes are closed
in the night
and the dreams when
eyes are open in the day
are connected through this point.

When the self is not
read in the day
the dreams are absent
in the night.

The Matter.

The darkness
is from where light is born
the dark is the carrier of light.

The true and simple light
is like water

Water is unstable
and so is that light.

and how.......

When existence comes in to order
identification comes in to being

identification allows
harmony and rest.

The sea becomes sea
from the waters of rivers

and the rivers becomes rivers
from the waters of the springs

the spring comes into being when existence
comes in to order.

Application.

There is a path
in what is called
the history of man
an only path

that I am
and I am
in accordance with I am
and there in lies rest
if I am not
in accordance with
I am
then I come to an end.

The more I am into being
I am
the more I know of I am
which can never
come to an end.

With the new born in her arms
the mother opened her eyes
and led it to her flowing breasts
as she did
she closed her eyes...
to the world besides.

Transcendence.

What ever I want in tomorrow
silence progress or love
what I did yesterday
would always decide
what I get tomorrow.

The philospher can talk
the thinker can think
the doctor can analyse
but none can touch the link
of tomorrow that came in
from yesterday.

Intoxicated I roam
only to hear me sing
my song
from where did I come and why
and where do I go and why.

Tell me
my teacher
if everything was already there
and if I was just waiting
for it to happen
and that it was already
in what is called my destiny
your destiny
why then we
punished the guilty
tell me my teacher
where and how did I become the doer
wasn't the writer
guilty
to have not written fair and
just.

Talk to me
my teacher
or listen to me now
what I see
when I look down
is it not my shadow
don't I learn
how it gets long and short
dark and light
talk to me
my teacher and
then when I look up
don't I see the sun
the cause
and
that isn't it experience
helping me to get whatever shape I want
when I want of my shadow.

The sun
the me
and then the shadow
but the most eminent of all
my learning
of this all
no one writes what I learn
what you learn my teacher
is for you and by only you.

The I and the Identity.

I ---
known to man or not
came in with time
there and then
the self was born
the first identity of I.

The traveller
the I called him self
as he set his sails
on the hinges of space
he counted
one, two and three,................

He identified
the light, the dark and
the evening night
and grew worldly wise.

He saw a pit and called his grave
he made it up
with malice, lust, greed and pride,
he then identified a way out of pit
and called it his journey
of soul.

Alone and full of fear
he looked at himself
with nothing to wear
naked he was now to his fears
when he saw his lover die.

He called death a disease
and knew he was the one who suffered
from that disease
not the one who died
for his lover looked calm
when she closed her eyes.

He saw his self
drunk and dizzy
creating new realities
out of existing made up
realities
he cursed the I with guilt
and threw it in a pit.

The I----
known to man or not
was beaten to death
by the identity of I
in time.

The Boy

I tossed and turned all night
I wasn't like this all the time
I was a boy sometime
I look at him as he now
I saw his eyes tonight and
saw him still chasing fireflies.

I remember he had a bed
by a wall
a cool wall even in summers
at any given time
he would want some reassurance or some coolness
he would melt in to that wall
and sleep
It was green in colour.

The wall promised him fun
and next morning he would get up
after dreaming his dreams
in the evenings by the wall
he
laughed and played around
he saw a lot of fireflies
across the wall
who would appear
and disappear
with a blink
or they would turn to different colorful flowers
just like that.

I have a wish
a wish that I could hug him
just one last time
or probably answer a question
that
why the hell
I did not hug his soul
the last time I saw him
Did I think at that time
that he would never vanish
did I.

Is he dead?

The bed is now ashes
and the wall may be some
rubble and mud

No I think not
that he is dead

the boy
he should be in his jungle
still chasing fireflies.

No I think not
that he is dead

NO

I wasn't a man
always
I was a boy
by the wall
dreaming my dreams
by the green wall.

The Game.

The elements of the sun
playing together
with the sun
yes I am your water
and your wind.

Look at me as I tell the sun
in your room
which more looks like a
coffin
there is life
for I have found a balance
and harmony
in your fury might.

It is your game
and I agree
and yet I make most of it
for I know
till you shine
I will always
come and go.

The Door

The door always remain the same
I have to exit
from where I enter.

Even if I came as such and such
or I leave as that or this
the door always
remains the same.

The seed does not know
when it grows and
even when it's cycle is complete
hopes it could leave
through some other door
to some other
universe
would someone tell it that
the door always remains the same.

Let me then make most
once that I have entered
let me then dance
and draw life;
once that I am IN
let me now make most of it
for there is no other
door
for me to wait and hope.

The door of the seed always remains the same
it has to exit
from where it enters.

The Song Of The Pollens

I am your delight
I am this flower that
you passed by every morning evening
and night

I let you feed on my bounty
to see you grow
I am the flower
of all that you eat
from my trees and
my plants
they too came in to being because
of me
Yes I am the flower
you passed by every morning evening
and night

Look at me once in a while
for I am the pollens
and I dance and I
sing in the winds
seduced by the bees
I help creation create
which too came in to being because
of me
Yes I am the pollens in these flowers
you passed by every morning evening
and night

Listen

listen
listen to me
if you won't then who will

who shall I talk to of
my journey
my pain
of me and
that how
it comes from me
and that how
it dissolves in me

stay
stay with me
I only have me

love that I feel now for
me
is the highest
stay
don't walk
walk away from me

listen
listen to me
if you won't then who will

TRADE

The universe has only come into being because of trade,
between the elements
or between you and me.

The trade when fair & square progress is a certainity.
Hence my universe or yours or any one else's has progressed because of trade .

At macro scale or micro scale the trade happens. ThAT IS THE only way the whole universe comes in to being.
An absolute.

PASSION

Inevitable happens
and it
happens only my in mind

I look for passion
it looks for me
may be
may be only then
the inevitable happens

The eyes talked of freedom

and yet when the words formed
they spoke of bondage

"I want you to be happy"
said she

while her eyes spoke to
me of an adventure.

My gravity

When I dream
gravity touches me
bends me
makes me heavy;

why don't I know
anything otherwise.

My child

Waited an eternity
for day break
then
came morning
then waited
to still my heart
which kept crying
of loosing the morning.

Astray

I see no one go astray
I see all talk of
others go astray
I see fear
and build up of anguish
but never see anyone go
astray
they who see
people go astray
live in a society
I who see no one go astray
where do I stay in...............

A lesson

my thoughts drifted
hence
my thoughts never rested

the drifting cloud can
never find rest

untill it decides to give in

muddy water....

It's a movement
to a stillness

me a muddy water
becomes clear
when I
standstill in the
afternoon sun